...?

first week of medical school is almost through. my thoughts and impressions:

-medical school is already extremely humbling. the Dean shared people's personal statements at the white coat ceremony. there was a guy who was a medic in Iraq on 3 occasions, an NCAA record holder, a start from last year's Butler Bulldog basketball team, and many others. I feel remarkably...normal - and that's ok.

-2 days into anatomy and i already feel behind. lectures go so fast, the professor just seems to whip through different parts (we're studying the superficial and deep back muscles right now) without even thinking, having memorized human anatomy it seems. again very humbling. and the other classes (cell/molecular bio, biochem, immunology...) haven't even started yet. head is already spinning...

-food, no matter how bad it looks or might be, tastes better when you cook it yourself. though i am extremely slow. i called my mom while cooking b/c i was worried about some smoke/steam coming from the pot - fail.

-one week in and most people seem to be nice, relaxed, and caring. are we all being genuine to each other? we'll find out soon enough once the stress and group work begins.

-it's hard fight the urge to write about med school in the language of medicine. but i must, lest i forget how to communicate with the rest of the world.

-first day of anatomy, we dissected cadavers, looking for the muscles of the back. i can't say i was affected by it, but i can't say it didn't affect me either. it's just weird to think about what we're doing, basically digging into what was once a living, loving, loved, human being who was willing to (knowingly) donate their body expressly for our education. i'll admit, it is a little eerie when i step back during lab and watch my lab group (and others) hammering and chiseling away at the vertebral column so we can dissect the spine. and it's weird seeing people use a turkey baster (no joke!) to drain fluid from the table...more on anatomy in the future.

-finally, where is God? i need/want to find a church, a community, brothers and sisters who share my faith. i find myself hiding it, not mentioning it too much. today, in a session on professionalism, the speaker (an M.D. or Ph.D or some other highly educated IUSM faculty) asked us to share in pairs about our values, and i found myself having a hard time sharing about what i value most, what i wanted to get out of being a doctor, and what i wanted from my life. is God that far away...rephrase: am I that far away from God? (read Chambers for Aug. 13.)

...and classes haven't even started in full yet...oh boy.

"Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
the hour i first believed.

Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come.
Tis grace that brought us safe thus far,
and grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures."

-Amazing Grace (stanzas 2-4) by John Newton (1725-1807)