i boast no more

I often think in song lyrics.

"No More My God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done.
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son.

No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more.

Now, for the loss I bear his name,
What was my gain I count my loss.
My former pride I call my shame
And nail my glory to His cross.

No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more.

Yes, and I must, I will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus' sake.
O may my soul be found in Him
And of His righteousness partake
Amen, amen.

The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne.
But faith can answer Thy demands
By pleading what my Lord has done.

No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more." -I Boast No More by Caedmon's Call

I will admit, I am a prideful person; only I usually keep my prideful thoughts within, so no one else knows. Yet, "man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7). I want to elaborate, but I'm tired - so I will at a later time...

expectations and burn-out

"They met Moses and Aaron, who were waiting for them, as they came out from Pharaoh; and they said to them, 'The LORD look on you and judge, because you have made us stink in the sight of Pharaoh and his servants, and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.' Then Moses turned to the LORD and said, 'O LORD, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all.'" -Exodus 5:21-22

I wonder how many people's expectations I have left unfulfilled this year, how many people I have disappointed. Everyone has expectations for everything. Do people really expect me to be some super-small-group-leader-servant-team-member-older-brother-... I feel like I've given what I can - or maybe I haven't. I feel like I've at least tried to care for people this year - or maybe I haven't. But it really doesn't matter.

I not sure where I am. Am I at day 7 of being in the wilderness for 40 years, or am i at day 7 of marching around Jericho?

You wonder why I want to withdraw myself, remove myself. You wonder why it seems like I don't care anymore. Myabe I just want to withdraw. Maybe your suspicions are correct, that I just really don't care anymore. You be the judge.

All I know is it is the end of the year, and I am tired, perhaps somewhat burnt out even. i think i've hit my wall.

I have been afraid to believe it, until now, but I think I am ready to go.